i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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