You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
