I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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