I am puke
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
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