I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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