I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
