also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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