I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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