How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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