Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
