is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
