I heard we made out
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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