it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
