I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
