Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
