Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize