I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
