maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
