Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
