You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
