i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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