I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize