I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I want her autograph on my taint
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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