I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
