your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
