At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
You smell like stripper and shame
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Randomize
