The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
