this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
