Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
She is in my trunk
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
