I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
