Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
