Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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