he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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