Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
