Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
