im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
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