is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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