Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
