Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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