he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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