I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
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Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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