I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
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I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
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I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
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