Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
