I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
