If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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