So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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