Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
