i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Randomize
