omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
