everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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