New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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