Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
