I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Randomize