dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?