I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
She's allergic to latex.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.