Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?