this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
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What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
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I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast