I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right