I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize