ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
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I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
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Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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