Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
did you just send me my own nude
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
