I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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