even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
