and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
