They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
