i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
