If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
